Text Me Instead

Random Bollocks

Remember when you had to tap ‘7’ four times before you got to ‘s’? Yeah, those were the days, and those days are back, for me at least. This is the Nokia 3310 and its simplicity has given me an idea, an idea that will change your life. What with all my “Social media is toxic, give it up” rantings, I thought it would be good to do something tangible rather than just natter about it. So here it is, this phone is your social media pacifier. Let me explain.

Let’s say you’re on a train, in the quiet carriage no less. It’s hot, like proper hot. The kind of hot that’s plastered across all the papers and excites the weather forecasters on the news; and thanks to a miscommunication between a train engineer and his mate Bob, the airconditioning isn’t working. Everyone on board is sweating, sweating buckets. Your clammy skin uncomfortably brushes somebody else’s and you both feel gross. Then, as if egged on by a devil on their shoulder, someone whips out their phone and makes a phone call, a loud one. IT’S THE FUCKING QUIET CARRIAGE.

Rather than be normal about it and politely ask them to shut their stupid face, you turn to Twitter to spout some rage. A few little likes come in and you feel a little better. While you’re there you skim through your feed and start to see a barrage of bullshit unfurl, this time in your digital world; now you’re feeling even more annoyed. You turn to Facebook instead, but all that does is remind you that you’re stuck on a boiling hot train somewhere near Basingstoke while your mate Tom is walking his dog by a river. Shit, isn’t it?

Introducing “Text Me Instead”. This is my bespoke service to you, my loyal website/newsletter reader. Instead of tweeting or posting on Facebook, text me your thoughts instead. You may receive a response, you may not, that’s not the point. Instead, every week I will post the “tweets” right here on my website so that your views have been shared with the world without being tracked, analysed and sold on by social networks. You can choose to remain anonymous or provide your name, it’s up to you.

Simply text +447497 367 473

Remember, Text Me Instead.